Awkward Desperate People-- Part 3-- Women's Visions

Women have the untold ability to see the future. Its true, they can look into the crystal ball and not only ask the question, what if, but they see the fruits of it. One must ask then what causes such revelatory experiences to occur? The answer to such a question can only be the blessed interaction with the one to which she wishes to see the future.

Karen is on a date with Nick. She has liked Nick for awhile and been waiting and wishing that he would ask her out. Interaction has been sparse but the few times they have been together have proved to be something noteworthy for not only Karen but all her friends. It spills out of her in conversation when such information has never been solicited.
The date has gone wonderfully. Nick planned this date, something that hasn’t been so common a feature amongst the other boys that Karen has gone out with. They went to Barnes and Noble and picked out five books that described each other and then ended up reading children’s books to one another. Silliness and laughter along with sincerity and soul searching thoughts came out in the corner of a bookstore.

They sat now together at a small table in a local restaurant called Pammy’s and ate delicious pie shakes.

Nick: Yeah, I just haven’t had the best of luck with ladies. I don’t know what it is about me that repels some and attracts others. If I knew the answer to that question I can assure you I wouldn’t have gone out on as many first dates.
Karen: Oh come on, a guy like you, you have to beat them away with a stick.
Nick: No really, you don’t understand I’ve dated some psychos.
Karen: Tell me then.
Nick: Eh, on second thought not tonight.
Karen: Why not?
Nick: We are having a good evening and to talk about them would be…less appealing.
Karen: Fine.
Nick: Besides, why would I want to talk about them and me when I have you here. Lets talk about you and me.

The next few lines that Nick stated were hardly heard by Karen. A man she had already decided she liked was acting like a true gentlemen. The night continued on and the two of them shared hopes, dreams, and aspirations for life.

Nick: It goes by so quickly and I can hardly believe that I’m twenty three. I am now my fathers age when he became a father. Tomorrow I will wake up and be in his situation and wonder how it all went. Sure I’ll have kids but I’ll wonder if they had ever known me, or I them. I think they will, after all I remember my parents and the lessons they taught me.

Such moments of sincerity and soul searching brought about the powers that be in showing the future. After being dropped off and hugged by a man with feeling Karen went to bed but her mind was awake with wonder. Stirring about were the powers of revelation.

Visions of the future flashed before her with Nick. She saw their wedding invitation. She would be Mrs. Karen Newman. The invitation was decorated with lace and the picture of the two of them was in black and white. They were elegant people and deserved such a picture. The wedding went by in an instant and before she knew it she was wisped away to two years into their marriage. He would come home from work and she would be standing in the bathroom. He would ask, “My Care,” his nickname for her, “what are you doing standing there?” She would tell him she was pregnant. Tears would fill his eyes as this sensitive man would embrace her the same way he had embraced her on their first date. Before she knew it again she would be pushed out into the future. Now there were five children about her and her oldest, Henry was going away on a mission. They were taking a family photo to remember the moment. She could see her husband and son giving talks at his farewell. What a man he would be in telling their son of his love for him. Before she could consider the significance of the moment the years rushed past. She found herself without any kids in the house. Her husband was coming in from the back yard. His hair was now silver. He hunched over a bit and his pants were pulled up high. He looked like such an adorable old man. His hands were hidden behind him. She asked him what he had and he pulled out some flowers in one hand and a book in the other. It was the very book she had read to him on their first date. It was a children’s book entitled, “Pinkalicious.” Walking toward her he would say, “you know what today is?” Not knowing she would respond, “why no, what is today?” Forgiving her with a wink and while opening his mouth he would say, “why its our anniversary my dear, 50 years with my Care. I love you.” Again he would embrace her and she would remember the way she felt the first time she was hugged by him.

Her vision closed and she realized she was still in bed. The hour had passed but her feelings for this young man had not. She wasn’t certain that the future would be played out like such but she hoped to everything holy that it would be.

Smith's Employee

Andrew played out scenarios in his head more than he ever played them out in real life. There were a number of women that he saw throughout his day that brought about an ability within Andrew to believe in himself and the possibilities…possibilities of him hooking up with them.

Andrew went to the supermarket to buy a bag of chimichangas. While there the following occurred within his mind.

Andrew: (nothing….on autopilot…walking through the frozen food aisle) Oh, it looks like a sale on ice-cream. A buck eighty-eight for cookies and cream- oh heck yes I’ll buy some. (walks toward the chimichangas) Oh they’re on sale too- this is awesome. (walks towards self check out lane and sees cashier) I could go through this self check out, or I could checkout the lady that will ring up my items. Yeah, I do only have two items but, shoot I need a pack of gum too and maybe this time I will have the guts to talk to her. Three items is enough to stand in line for her, right? I really shouldn’t be attracted to her. She’s got this dark attractive light about her. I don’t know how to describe it. The lady even has a tat on her forearm; some Chinese character. She’s tough. The black dye job on her hair is a good choice. This summer heat has given her a tan too. Slender build, maybe she runs each day? I run, she runs too- maybe I’ll see her out some time in the future. No, she probably lives like ten miles from here. I wonder if she smokes? If a chick like her has a tat on her arm and a black dye job I think she probably smokes. How old is she? Low thirties max, maybe late twenties. What would she think if I hit on her? The reason why she is so skinny is probably because she is into crystal meth or something like that; but when she smiles her teeth are still there and they’re white…well whiter than I would expect if she did do some sort of hard drugs. Even though I don’t do drugs its not like kissing her would transfer the drugs to me; would it? Oh my spot is coming up. I should place my items down and get some gum. There; three items, ice cream, chimichangas, and gum- I’m a regular bad ass. That’s the type of guy I would expect her to be with, but then again maybe she’s trying to clean herself up. She may have received this job through her parole officer and she’s on her way back to the top. Smiling at me like that doesn’t deter me from thinking nothing but the best about her.

Andrew (aloud): How you doing?
Lady: Good, how are you?
Andrew: I’m doing just dandy…the weather outside is great; too bad you’re cooped up in here all day.
Lady: Yeah, I hope my flowers don’t get dried out in this heat.
Andrew: Oh you garden, got yourself a green thumb there?
Lady: I try to garden.
Andrew: Flowers or vegetables and stuff?
Lady: I like both but I’m trying some raspberry bushes now-a-days. Your total is 4.37.
Andrew: That’s cool (hands her a five dollar bill) I’ve never tried gardening (points to a display of gnomes) But I figure if I ever do start into it I’ll have to buy one of those guys.
Lady: (laughs) Really?
Andrew: Yeah but I cant bring myself to do it, something about sharing my place with an old bearded man just doesn’t appeal to me…and the fact that he’s 1/16th my size doesn’t make me trust him either.
Lady: (handing him the change) sixty three cents is your change; (laughs) why cant you trust the little old guy, I think he’s cute?
Andrew: He looks too much like my conscience.
Lady: Your conscious is a gnome?
Andrew: No, but if my conscious were captured in physical form I’m sure it’d look like that guy (points to gnome) right there.
Lady: (laughs) Why a gnome though?
Andrew: Small, old, mixed up with the mystical (picks up plastic bag)…well, good luck with your garden.
Lady: Thanks, see yah.

Andrew walking away: Where does that come from? The gnome thing just kinda came out of nowhere. I think she was digging me up until that point. “Mixed up with the Mystical,” what was that all about? She’ll end up thinking I’m into dungeons and dragons. She’s probably thinking I’m the one on drugs… She’s a gardener though. The outdoors has an ability to heal the heart. There is something edgy about her. Is it the tat? Her black hair? It could be the fact that she’s teetering between the ages; there is the youthful lusty busty in her that’s looking like it’ll be beat down by the etchings of age. I can see it coming and taking away the edge, leaving her hollow. A punk band that turns thirty is what will happen to her face here soon. She, like the band, could once shout the f-word and sense the shrill feel of youthful uprising, but age would take her appearance and make it be nothing but a used hollow woman…It hasn’t happened yet. The thought might have occurred to her and now she’s wising up the advice she received from her adolescence. In drug rehab maybe they told her to start a garden to see the growth she’s made, like a plant that needs nurturing.

Andrew put his groceries in the back seat of his car.

I’m still attracted to her. I’m very attracted to her. I’ll never get a tattoo. No, I’ll never use drugs. Gardening is something I won’t try my hand at either. She’s a lot of things I’m not and a lot of what my teenage self never was allowed to have but always wanted.

Andrew closed the back door to his car and stared at his reflection.

I’m not a teenager anymore and neither is she. I’m getting older too. She could still get away saying the f-word. I never was able to get away with it. Not even now that I’m older could I get away with it. Sometimes I feel it, but I can never bring myself to say it.

Andrew stared at himself with a hard look and then got in his car and started the drive back home.

Awkward Desperate People-- Part Two-- Messages

Leaving the right message involves all the things you choose to say and even some of the things you keep yourself from saying. It may sound completely different in your head...it does sound different in your head.

Man calls up a woman on his cell phone while walking around his apartment.

Man: Hey it’s me. I was just calling because I’ve been thinking about you. Um, I don’t know how to put this but you were in my dream last night. You really shouldn’t do that to me- be in my dreams and all. It was weird; well there was you, Winston Churchill and Curios George. I turned to Winston and he said we needed to defeat the Germans. Then Curious George started doing his monkey talk and there were subtitles so I could understand what he was saying. Crazy, I know (laughs). He told Winston that if we cut off all waffle supplies the Germans would surrender. Churchill thought it was a brilliant idea and decided to go off and celebrate with curios George by buying him a pint. That’s when you showed up. Oh I wish you could have seen it, you were a giant waffle (laughs) and I (laughs) I was the syrup bottle and Churchill put me on top of you-

Message machine: If you are satisfied with your recording then press one.

Man presses one and calls up woman again. Again he receives the answering machine.
Man: Sorry your machine cut me off. Anyway where was I? Right, you were a waffle and then I was there and I was a giant syrup bottle. Winston then poured me on top of you and Curios George ate you…it was all really weird. I don’t know necessarily what it means but it was a sticky situation (laughs to himself). I was the syrup, sticky situation, get it? Ah…(switching gears) anyway, I was wondering what you were doing later. (Serious) I kinda want to be with you more. We never hang out anymore. Which I totally understand you’re a busy successful woman who has many things to do and not enough hours to do them. I want to do you-

Message machine: If you are satisfied with your recording then press one.

Man presses one and calls up woman again. Once more he receives the answering machine.
Man: I hate message machines. Ugh, where was I at (loss of words)…um, uh (panics)…I probably should’ve thought about what I was going to say before I called…(mental walk through) there was Curious George and Churchill; already talked about them, you as the waffle, sticky situation, Nazi’s, me and you hanging out less lately- Oh yeah, we’ve not hanged out, hung out, no its hanged- whatever- we haven’t seen much of each other. (under his breath) that’s it. And that’s just not cool. I want to do you the honor of taking you out this week. We’ll get a slurpee and play some speed. It’ll be fun. I’m fun and so are you, obviously, so we’ll just hang with each other and have some fun. Alright, so we’ll hang and have some fun. Give me a call and we’ll talk. Bye.

Man to friend also in the room: So I think that went well. I was totally myself and she likes me for me, you know?

Friend just nods.

Awkward Desperate People-- Part One-- Running for Love

There are those who are desperate for love. Women become desperate. Men are almost always desperate. What drives someone to become so dependant upon someone else to make them feel happy? Perhaps the answer to that question could best be found in a group therapy session; however, we’ll just show you one scenario of a desperate young man. You can decide where the problem starts and how best to treat it.

Its pouring rain outside and a young man runs down the street and knocks on the door of an apartment. A young woman opens the door.

Boy: (breathing heavy) I- I…
Girl: What are you doing its pouring rain outside?
Boy: I ran all the way to get here.
Girl (in disbelief): You ran all the way to get here? Don’t you live like three miles away?
Boy: I’d run five hundred miles…if I lived five hundred miles away, all so that I could be with you.
Girl: What? You’re all out of breath- I don’t think I heard you right.
Boy: You are my breath, my every breath. I’ve decided, I’m in love with you. That’s why I ran here. You can be into me now too, its ok, I’ve made up my mind. You don’t have to fret over whether we’ll get back together, I’m here now.
Girl: We went out once and we’ve hung out a few times, you cant be in love with me.
Boy (confused): Its raining though…
Girl: Yeah its raining so?...
Boy: Can’t you feel that. (Takes girl by the arm and has her hand out in the rain).
Girl: Nope…just feeling wet.
Boy: Just wet? Not even a little bit? Can’t you let the love reign?...Get it, reign as in be a ruler of your heart and rain as if the droplets of water…(desperation) If rain drops were passion then you can see that I’m drenched in it…(staring into her eyes passionately) drenched in it all for you.
Girl: You’re kinda creeping me out.
Boy: Come on out into the rain with me. You’re not even wet…(frustrated). I ran in the rain for you. I don’t like to run and I don’t like the rain but I thought you’d be kissing me by now. You said in the last group setting we were in that you love the rain. Here I am in the rain, why won’t you just be with me now? What was that a tease?
Girl: I said that as I was holding my boyfriends hand. He’s inside here. (turns inside and says) Hey you wanna come over here.
Boyfriend: What’s going on?
Boy (excited): Perfect. Ok, maybe this will still work out. (to himself) Here comes my fight scene…(To the boyfriend) Um, I don’t know how to put this but she doesn’t like you anymore.
Girl: What?
Boyfriend: huh?
Boy: She’s in love with me. We fell for each other a little while back. She wanted me but I wasn’t sure if I wanted her cuz I thought she was being prideful but it was my prejudice that got in the way. Anyway its all resolved now. You better just leave. Go ahead pick up the broken pieces of your heart and get out of here.
Boyfriend: Is he for real?
Girl: Do you honestly think I’d end up with this guy?
Boy: Dude, I ran in the rain for this girl, what have you done?
Boyfriend: Well we were kind of kissing before you showed up, so I don’t know you tell me.
Boy (heartbroken): You would do that to me?…How could you?
Girl: We never had anything. We went on one date.
Boy: I’ll forgive you for that, this one time I will forgive you because I love you.
Boyfriend: Hey why don’t you just go home?
Boy: Home is where the heart is and my heart is in her, so you see, I cant go.
Girl: I don’t love you, I don’t even hardly know you. We went out once and we’ll never go out again.
Boy: (defeated) You’re just going to toss it all away, just like that…the heart beating the rain, the running, the last second run of passion- nothing?(walking away) You never knew my heart…home is where the heart is but apparently you’re home is a cheep motel rented out for one night stands and young boys…and by the way, it’s a good thing we didn’t work out because the rain sucks!