Awkward Desperate People-- Part Two-- Messages

Leaving the right message involves all the things you choose to say and even some of the things you keep yourself from saying. It may sound completely different in your head...it does sound different in your head.

Man calls up a woman on his cell phone while walking around his apartment.

Man: Hey it’s me. I was just calling because I’ve been thinking about you. Um, I don’t know how to put this but you were in my dream last night. You really shouldn’t do that to me- be in my dreams and all. It was weird; well there was you, Winston Churchill and Curios George. I turned to Winston and he said we needed to defeat the Germans. Then Curious George started doing his monkey talk and there were subtitles so I could understand what he was saying. Crazy, I know (laughs). He told Winston that if we cut off all waffle supplies the Germans would surrender. Churchill thought it was a brilliant idea and decided to go off and celebrate with curios George by buying him a pint. That’s when you showed up. Oh I wish you could have seen it, you were a giant waffle (laughs) and I (laughs) I was the syrup bottle and Churchill put me on top of you-

Message machine: If you are satisfied with your recording then press one.

Man presses one and calls up woman again. Again he receives the answering machine.
Man: Sorry your machine cut me off. Anyway where was I? Right, you were a waffle and then I was there and I was a giant syrup bottle. Winston then poured me on top of you and Curios George ate you…it was all really weird. I don’t know necessarily what it means but it was a sticky situation (laughs to himself). I was the syrup, sticky situation, get it? Ah…(switching gears) anyway, I was wondering what you were doing later. (Serious) I kinda want to be with you more. We never hang out anymore. Which I totally understand you’re a busy successful woman who has many things to do and not enough hours to do them. I want to do you-

Message machine: If you are satisfied with your recording then press one.

Man presses one and calls up woman again. Once more he receives the answering machine.
Man: I hate message machines. Ugh, where was I at (loss of words)…um, uh (panics)…I probably should’ve thought about what I was going to say before I called…(mental walk through) there was Curious George and Churchill; already talked about them, you as the waffle, sticky situation, Nazi’s, me and you hanging out less lately- Oh yeah, we’ve not hanged out, hung out, no its hanged- whatever- we haven’t seen much of each other. (under his breath) that’s it. And that’s just not cool. I want to do you the honor of taking you out this week. We’ll get a slurpee and play some speed. It’ll be fun. I’m fun and so are you, obviously, so we’ll just hang with each other and have some fun. Alright, so we’ll hang and have some fun. Give me a call and we’ll talk. Bye.

Man to friend also in the room: So I think that went well. I was totally myself and she likes me for me, you know?

Friend just nods.